Savage Tide

Episode 5: The Taxidermist's Dick

Ping! We reivive the Taxidermist and harangue him. Anarne offers to shoot him in the dick. “Nooo! NOT MY DICK!” He owns up to the Lotus bandits living beneath his shop. He confesses the secret door pathway towards the downstairs. He gives us the instructions for the door switch and he is a big pee pee wiener and wants to run away. We talk about what to do with him, kill him, leave him tied up… Cunty demands that we put the taxidermist into the bear. Felix searches the supply room and we decide to stuff him in the bear if something terrible happens to us downstairs, we leave him tied up in the supply room. We enter a hallway with a bunch of doors. The hallway is un-trappedddddddddd. Del says the architecture in here is alarmingly consistent. Felix checks the secret door fro traps and pushes Anarne towards the door… she protests! Felix opens the door…. TO THE MAIN SHOWROOM! We go back into the hallway There are no traps in the last two doors, but we find a meeting room, with another door. We walk into a training room where there are guys sparing. They don’t believe Felix’s bluff that we are here to train to. they call us “Bitches.” We fight.

Felix makes Guy 1 drop his rapier. Del hits Guy 1 real hard. He’s dead. Anarne axes Guy 2 in the shoulder. While thinking about how she wishes she could have a harp that shoots “fucking arrows” Cunty sings a sultry ballad to improve everyone’s efforts. Felix tumbles around guy 2 and stabs him crazy good and catches his ass by surprise. She gets his kidney and gloats over his future corpse. “The next time you call me a bitch…. there won’t be a next time.” Felix lottts the dead dudes. We get 2 blue potion (Freya can taste that they are cure light wounds potions) 4 urchin venom poison. Freya: “How come we keep going into rooms and not poisoning people?”

Anarne wants o go through door on the left. There are no traps or magic. Small room is found. Two doors and chained up spider creature. We go back and explore other doors. Then go back and fight the spider.

Cunty starts singing the itsy bitsy spider. It turns into a rap about how awesome is. Del punches the spider. It urst it. It s “erhhhh” The spider bights Del ripppppppp style. Felix moves to the back of the spider. She critically hits the iderspay. It breaks it leg. Anarne axes its thorax. It crumples up and dies. Cunty heals Del with her wand.Felix distributes potions of cure light wounds to everyone so we can take it if Cunty is passed out or something. We open the door behind the spider. Felix peeks in. There is a large hexagonal table and a chalk board, and a map with flags on it and a wind channel. Gold flag protruding from Vanderhorns estate. Also, some other estates have blue and gold flags and shit. Cunty knows that the Islarns are Harbor masters. Kilarney’s are rich merchants. A few of the city watch garisons also have blue and gold flags. The slate has a bunch of info about comings and goings of ships. Also, what ships are holed. Our names are on the effing SLATE!!!! Next to it it says ‘Vanthis fix this NOW!!!’

We walk through a door into a hallway, Felix tumbles through hallway. Friends are impressed. Then she yells at us and her and Anarne talk about feelings like pussies. Del sets them straight and opens the door.

There is a creature in the room. It is a big zombie bug/bear. Freya thinks it looks like a man/bear/pig. Freya trys to ray of frost the man/bear/pig’s balls and misses. Anarne slashes the M/B/P with her ax. Del fluries him with blows. It bug-barely phases him. Felix hits him with her stabby short-sword. Cunty sings. The M/B/P attacks Anarne and clubs her with its morning star. If people would get out of the fucking way, Freya could shocking grasp him. Instead, she has to try to use ray of frost again. She freezes him a bit. Anarne axes him HERD. Del harnesses the element of acid. Her fist glows green, she smashes him in the face and melts his face off. Anarne is heeled by Cunty.

They go down a new hallway. Sooooo many hallways.

Freya opens a door. There is a beautiful tattooed lady and a little dinosaur. “You must be Lavinia’s Flunkies my name is Rowan, I’m basically a pirate and I run the lotuses. I could use a group of people who rock.” She seems unseemly. Gut-tugger is her dinosaur.

The girls go discuss. Felix’s loyalty lies with Lavinia. The ladies decide to come hard on Rowan. We return to room. Felix makes eyes at Rowan, eyes are returned. Cunty says we’ve decided to take up employment with you and demands 400 gold a piece a month. Rowan says we have to get 500 gold from Burgo Mischowitz he owes her for ‘protection.’ We all party.

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